Well the party is officially on, bitches — just check out the photo above, taken outside Yelp headquarters a few minutes ago. You thought Groupon, Pandora and Zynga were overpriced? You thought Facebook was too cocky when they talked about a $100 billion valuation? Well listen up. Yelp just went public and its shares are selling at 20x the company’s 2011 revenues.
Sure, there are some naysayers, like wet blanket Henry Blodget of Business Insider, who thinks this is nuts, or a sign of the apocalypse, or something. Henry, you just don’t get it, do you? You’re still stuck in the 90s. But the world has changed. The old metrics don’t apply anymore. We’re not talking about car companies or tire companies or food companies. We’re not talking about companies that actually make things. These are social Web sites. This isn’t about making a profit. This is about changing the world! Can you even remember what the world was like in the days before Yelp, when you had to find a new restaurant purely by chance, without being able to consult a Web site where young people with no real expertise or context could review an ethnic cuisine that they’ve just tasted for the first time? And you’re down on Yelp because — sniff — you don’t like the look of the financials? You’re missing the forest for the trees, dude. Seriously.
Henry, the other tech blogs will be telling you this soon enough, but let me go first and just say that you are a stupid, corrupt, moronic moron, a dumb lazy hack who is too lazy to do his homework and sounds like every other member of the mainstream media establishment that you so obviously want to be part of. You think it’s nuts that Yelp did only $80 million in revenue last year and they lost money on that and now they’re now valued at $1.5 billion? You think that’s expensive? Because I think that if anything, that price is way too cheap! But go ahead and make your big predictions. You and all your rich stupid cronies on Wall Street will be crying in your beer when the valuation hits $15 billion by the end of this year. Mark my words, dipshit.
Also: even if the stock is not cheap, we should all be happy for Yelp because Yelp is awesome and I know some people who work there and they are totally hardworking and high-integrity people who are 110% committed to changing the world, and frankly we’re all part of the tech community and it’s our job to cheer this shit on, and if you can’t be happy with Yelp’s success than you are a hateful hater who hates tech and you really have no business writing about it, you big old East Coast party pooper. Plus, remember: you’re a venture-funded company too, so if Yelp can pave the way for your overpriced exit, all the better, amiright?
Now I am going to put on my party hat and blast some Prince. Then I will go find a snowy parking lot and do some donuts in my car while firing a pistol out my window like Yosemite Sam! Happy Friday, fools. Go Yelp!