This creepy old dame had her world-record fingernails broken off in a car crash. See the BBC report on it here. I don’t know where to begin.
News of the weird
Posted by Dan Lyons on Feb 17, 2009 in Tech | 26 comments
Posted by Dan Lyons on Feb 17, 2009 in Tech | 26 comments
This creepy old dame had her world-record fingernails broken off in a car crash. See the BBC report on it here. I don’t know where to begin.
Oh SNAP!
Newsweek hired you to publish things like this? Whatever it was they served you at the cafeteria in Redmond, you ate too much of it.
Relax NickBob
Newsweek didn’t hire Dan to blog, and as far as I know he could blog about whatever he wants.
Woz is appearing on Dancing With the ‘Tards and you blog about this?
Paraplegics are smashing themselves into supercripples, and you write about this crap.
why dan? why?
http://gdpwealth.wordpress.com
Danny
Finally a post befitting your actual abilities. Pure dribble.
You jumped the shark Danny-boy, you jumped the shark.
Now please, do the CNBC hair flip thing one more time so we know you are not vain!
at last I can finally remove one bookmark from my daily routine … boy, you sure did let us down big time after FSJ Dan, adios!
The fACEBORG tries to pull a fast one and you blog about this crap….
Dear Dan, hope you dont take those cock-knockers who bring the hate seriously, its probably one guy who’s pissed you came up with FSJ and he didnt. No matter what you write these accounts complain, they just want to spam your blog.
To the haters, what have you done with your life that is so great? Whats so wrong if a celebrity writer decides to make a post about a woman getting her kilometre long fingernails broken in a car crash?
With all the posts about people leaving this blog, you would think they would just go allready and leave it to the appreciators, who love Dan’s work. Frigtards.
Jordan, you are a piss poor suck up, whose breath smells like ass.
Why would Dan post something about a woman with gi-normous fingernails who loses them all in an auto accident? In my humble opinion, in contrast to previous content, I’d say it was intentional non sequitur, to annoy the usual suspects (par example:Dan, you suck, I’m dropping you from my RSS, you rot, you’re writing sucks, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada). Me, I’m having fun with it, offering alternative things happening he could have commented on, as opposed to an old bag who has an aversion to nail clippers and good taste, like this sad item about Oscar contender Mickey Rourke, a lot more pathos than some demented Northwest AARP member breaking a nail in a fender bender, sheesh.
Meanwhile, who knew the growing trend of circle jerks in China would fuel the rise of AIDS in Asia. Not me.
“Will The Real Lastangelman Please Stand Up?”
Why would I do anything like that, what,Its not like I think that Dan goes about handing out signed copies of Options to people who post a single positive comment amongst the seas of drek. Go bother someone else.
Good golly, Jordan I never realized you are such a crybaby. Man up, will you? I have pussies like you for breakfast!
once RSJ passes from the scene due to his current illness, I predict there will be a new blog from beyond: Dead Steve Jobs
Now that nails are broken off, they can be securitized. Ask the gdpwealth dude. He’s got a blog on securitizing the mortgagization and mortgagizing the securitization – and why it matters to you. Great after the fact wisdom, in the tradition of harvardized experts who like to spill ascii on, gee, how important net is and why IT is now like juice, only better.
Dan, dude, why not blog about women in bikinis and how brain views them as objects? If it is object-oriented, it should be here dude. Not this please-do-not-put-on bikini broken-nails dipsy-doodle.
@vaporland: who farted, right?
Obvious question – exactly how did she wipe her ass? Assume someone, now matter how odd that is in and of itself, can’t be with her at all times.
Hello? Gross
The amazing thing to consider is it probably took her ten minutes to get her hands into position for that photo.
I’d hit it.
It is amazing what you can do with the new PhotoShop CS4 on a Mac, isn’t it? Just look at what 64-bit can do for you.
Today was a bad hair day for me. Some shmak discovered that App Store is a place where you pay little for useless things. I always said that customers are not good enough for our products. You friggin idiots. If you spend money in my little App Store, then use the damn software on your ay-phones.
Also, my inside contact at google is becoming money hungry. Future updates of Google Maps on ay-phone are going to suck. Don’t write me if you end up at a Moby Dick sale while searching for Starbucks or if you find yourself next to a burning container.
I,Cringely reports Real Steve Jobs has stopped using his computer.
Kate Winslet wins Oscar for portraying a murderous illiterate Nazi pedophile while Steve Jobs remains incommunicado.
In other news, Amnesty International condemns both Israel and Hamas, plague on both your houses style. Gaza Palestinians still wind up on short end of stick, apply for critically endangered species status. U.N. body replies “bowels no move”. Enema at eleven.
Apple App Store alienates developers who could be writing apps for Google’s Android or Windows Mobile. Steve Jobs responds.
South Park still banned!
Meanwhile, world mourns passing of beloved ex-ELO bassist Kelly Groucutt.
More “when good monkeys go ape-shit” news to take me out of the limelite, temporarily:
Whether by happenstance or intentionally, the April 2009 issue of Esquire magazine will feature an article about St. James Davis, his wife LaDonna, and their pet chimpanzee Moe, who lived with the couple in their home for 30 years before being confined to an animal sanctuary pursuant to a court order.
The Davises in more recent times.In March 2005, Mr. Davis was savagely attacked by two male chimpanzees while visiting Moe at the animal sanctuary. Mr. Davis barely survived the attack and his wife lost a finger.
This week, the Davises were interviewed by national news media after a similarly horrific incident on Monday in which a Connecticut woman, Charla Nash, was brutally attacked by her friend’s 200-pound pet chimpanzee. (Ms. Nash remains in critical condition.)
Had Esquire planned to write about the Davis story all along, or was the article in response to Monday’s terrible events?
Entitled, “The Worst Story I Ever Heard,” the article describes–in compelling detail–how the childless Davises raised Moe like he was their son.
Moe walked down the aisle at the couple’s June 1970 nuptials, holding hands with a little flower girl. He went everywhere with the Davises and had an endearing habit of crossing his arms and tapping his shoulder to signal that he wanted a hug. The chimp slept in their bed and knew how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
The article discusses the bond between the Davises and Moe, and the couple’s heartbreak at having Moe taken away from them. But it also describes how Mr. Davis got the young chimp on a whim and brought it to Los Angeles from Africa without much thought to the creature’s future.
As Moe grew, Mr. Davis and his wife tried to give their chimpanzee to various zoos, but none would take the chimp. (Chimpanzees raised by humans without the benefit of being around other chimps fail to learn chimp etiquette and behave abnormally. At a zoo, they would have trouble fitting in with established groups, so many zoos do not take them.)
The story includes a graphic description of the chimpanzee attack on Mr. Davis. (One can’t help but wonder–with a shudder–if it approximates what Ms. Nash might have endured.)
As St. James [Mr. Davis] confronted the chimp, the six-two former running back turned to find a second chimp — also a male, this one older and bigger — bearing down on him as well. With both hands, he pushed the bigger animal. Both chimps pounced.
One of the animals grabbed him in a bear hug before chomping into the bone above his right eyebrow. He then stuck his finger in St. James’s right eye, gouging it out. The same animal clamped his teeth onto St. James’s nose, biting it off, as the other chimp chewed away at St. James’s fingers.
In the melee, one of the chimps dug in his claws and ripped the skin off the right side of St. James’s face, causing it to flop over and cover his left eye, temporarily blinding him. One of the primates sunk his teeth into St. James’s skull. He then closed his jaws on St. James’s mouth, ripping off his lips and most of his teeth.
–Rich Schapiro, writing for Esquire in an article entitled, “The Worst Story I Ever Heard”
This story makes a harmless little ponzi scheme seem insignificant….
“when good monkeys go ape-shit” continued:
St. James tried to put one of his hands down the animal’s throat, but the chimp just kept chewing on it and chewing on it, and he couldn’t get it out.
St. James fell to the ground, no longer able to defend himself, and for at least five minutes, the mauling continued as he lay helpless. One of the chimps gnawed on his buttocks and bit off his genitals. They ravaged his left foot, leaving it shredded. Blood poured from his body, and LaDonna was screaming. It looked as if they were eating him alive. Finally, LaDonna’s screams drew the owners’ son-in-law, Mark Carruthers, who came running armed with a .45-caliber revolver. After struggling to find a clean shot, he opened fire on the younger primate. The shot had no apparent effect, and Carruthers raced back to his house, a few dozen yards away, to reload with more-powerful ammunition. When Carruthers returned, he focused on the older male, the prime aggressor. Kneeling down, he shot him once in the head from close range. As the animal fell to the ground, the younger chimp began dragging St. James’s mutilated body down a hill leading away from Moe’s cage. Dirt filled St. James’s lungs and seeped into his bloody openings.
For the briefest of moments, LaDonna looked toward Moe. He was sitting in the corner of his cage, frozen, seemingly stunned.
The lone chimp continued tearing at St. James’s limp body with his teeth until Carruthers caught up to him and shot him once in the chest, ending the attack. St. James, lying facedown, felt the lifeless animal fall on his back.
http://www.esquire.com/features/chimpanzee-attack-0409
The Catholic Church has announced the last minute cancellation of many Fat Tuesday events worldwide as many of its brethren have been doing without for as much as six months. The Vatican has announced that despite many adherents already have been doing without for so long, they will not be excused from having to choose to give up any excesses for Lent. “No SPAM on Fridays!”, a red faced Cardinal Clappinhat hiccoughed, “Let ‘em eat fishsticks in honor of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, Amen.”
Nails like that must have been a royal inconvenience. The bigger question to me is: why would she bother?