As we head into the maelstrom of another economic downturn, flacks and spinmeisters will be rushing out to tell the world why the bad times are actually good for their companies. I’m already hearing people deliver some version of this, including the one that while many companies are going to get crushed, this particular company won’t suffer, because they possess the magical Anti-Downturn Potion, or they’re living inside the protection of an Economic Distortion Field. Some go a step further and even say the downturn could be a wonderful opportunity. One example is the statement that MLP put out yesterday regarding Sun. Another was Max Levchin of Slide who told me (see my Newsweek column about it here) the hard times might help his company because some of his competitors will go out of business. (Funny thing about that same Newsweek column was that Jack Dorsey, CEO of Twitter, was quoted saying that his company was “prerevenue” but would do just fine during a downturn, although for others “it’s going to be painful. There’s going to be lots of fallout.” Days later Dorsey was ousted from Twitter. I don’t think that’s the kind of painful fallout he was talking about.
True, some companies gain share during downturns. But most don’t. Most just find that sucky times, um, suck. But times like these provide a rare opportunity for flacks to shine with outrageous lies and made-up stories. So I’ve decided it might be a fun game to keep an eye out for examples of people or companies claiming that the downturn is going to be a good for some company for some reason. The more tortured the logic, the better. Send them in and we can keep track of them here. Peace.
Red Hat president and CEO Jim Whitehurst expects the enterprise open source software business to emerge from the economic crisis stronger than the proprietary market.
http://www.computerworld.com.au/index.php/id;1780559326;fp;16;fpid;1
Sure, tech may be stuffed, Dan, but some sectors will do just peachy. Such as mine: bicycles.
http://www.bikebiz.com/news/29837/Bikes-will-ride-out-the-recession
There are numerous claims (including on Wikipedia, where I first saw it) that funeral homes are recession-proof because people are always dying.
Funeral homes do not make money on digging a hole and throwing you in, their profit margin comes from expensive luxuries such as fancy coffins made of nice wood, processions, ceremonies, and all that sort of nonsense. Saying that funeral homes are recession-proof because people are always dying is like saying that restaurants are recession-proof because people always have to eat.
We are absolutely not considering lay-offs. We haven’t even thought of it. We are hiring aggressively. There’s a lot of negativity about the current paradigm but it’s important to focus on the positive. Our growth is strong, particularly in the regions. We’re just gonna keep going, going forward.
Why should we be scared? We live in holes in the ground. All our money is in gold and silver bullion. Our futures market deals in dynamite, goats, lambs and bullets. If McCain is elected,a thousand score new recruits will enlist every month from New York and California alone. We feel very secure.
Abd’uul Ra’ahmn “Maffi-Mouk” al-Khardi
Vice President Portfolio and Animal Husbandry
Consolidated Qaida Ventures and Goatherders, WLL.
I guess Twitter’s board of directors weren’t comfortable with their company being in a “prerevenue” business model. Especially since they are running a type of business nobody has yet successfully monetized… and not for lack of trying.
aguante pinocho
hey dan…this from today’s WSJ..re: Toll Bros.
In the end, Mr. Toll expects the shakeup impacting the industry to ultimately help his business. As smaller players have an increasingly difficult time getting credit access, some will go out of business. “We believe this less crowded playing field, combined with attractive long-term demographics, will reward those well-capitalized builders who can persevere through the current challenging environment,” he said in the company’s release Tuesday.
war is peace! freedom is slavery! ignorance is strength!
i’m so glad these ceo’s and pr flaks have learned so much from george orwell … and the last 8 years of the bush administration. and who says silicon valley doesn’t love bush? any one of these slime balls could occupy a desk right next to karl rove.
мммда, печально….
Obama is supposed to be fixing that.
/b/