Not cool, people


Look, MobileMe is having a few teeny tiny problems. Is that any reason to jump all over Apple about this? Or to put up Web sites like this spoof of MobileMe called “FailMe”? I think not. Worse yet, now Fortune is wondering who’s to blame for MobileMe and suggesting that the fault may lie with Dear Leader himself. Canyoufrigginbelieveit? The poor guy can’t catch a break. FWIW, I just got a call from Phil Schiller, who said, “This is Phil Schiller. You think I’m a hype-prone marketing executive who made big claims about ‘push’ services which we later had to retract, and I think you’re a drug-addled pinhead and if I saw you on fire I wouldn’t cross the street to pee on you and put you out. Got a minute?” Phil said he wanted to explain a few things about MobileMe, and he wanted me to tell his side of the story, but he would only do it if we were entirely off the record. I said, Sure, why not? Then as Phil started talking I heard someone else cough and I said, Is someone else on the line? Phil said, Um, no, why do you say that? I said I heard someone cough. Phil said, Oh, that was me, I’ve got this terrible cold, and then he coughed a couple times, and I said, But wait, you were talking when I heard the cough, and unless you’re some kind of ventriloquist I don’t see how you could do that. You’re not a ventriloquist, are you? Phil said maybe I didn’t really hear any cough at all, ┬ábecause in fact he hadn’t heard any cough and I said, Then why did you just say that it was you who coughed? Phil said, I didn’t say that. I said, Yes you did, you said you had a terrible cold. Phil said, I never said that, and anyway can I just proceed with our entirely off-the-record interview which will be entirely on background but may be recorded for quality assurance purposes?

Fair enough. We moved on.┬áNaturally I can’t tell you what Phil said to me but according to a source with very good knowledge of the inner workings of Apple top management, everyone inside the company knew that MobileMe wasn’t ready for prime time but they had orders to launch this thing alongside the new iPhone or face massive firings and everyone knew that it was going to be a fiasco and frankly they’re all surprised it hasn’t been even worse, but at the same time Apple remains very confident that it can iron out the problems with MobileMe in the very near future, and that just because people pay a hundred bucks for a service doesn’t give them the right to go around complaining when it doesn’t work right, and if those asshole customers had any idea how hard people work at Apple they wouldn’t be so quick to jump on every teeny tiny little glitch with MobileMe.

When asked to comment on this, Katie Cotton coughed, then coughed again, then said, “MobileMe is a fantastic service that offers tremendous value. MobileMe is a fantastic service that offers tremendous value. MobileMe is a fantastic service that offers tremendous value. Beyond that we have no comment.”