July 24th, 2008 // 11 Comments
Filed: Tech
See here. Kevin Johnson, a sales guy who rose to run the Borg’s Windows and Web operations, is de-borging and will become CEO of Juniper Networks. Johnson (above left, dancing like a halfwit with a fellow Borgtard at the Vista announcement) not only crafted the Yahoo merger strategery but he also oversaw Vistaster. Talk about a deadly twofer. At most companies either one of those things would be enough to get you canned. (Although at Sun either one would get you promoted. But I digress.) I mentioned Johnson in a recent Forbes article, citing him as an example of the kind of lackluster talent who will be running the company now that Gates is gone. Money quote:
Smart guys. Great guys. But not a pack of wild-eyed visionaries operating at Internet speed. Take a look at that photo of Gates and his crew in 1978, looking like the Manson family. Those are the kind of crazies who change the world. Sure, Microsoft will participate in the Internet revolution, just as IBM played a role in the PC revolution. But IBM ultimately abandoned PCs and now chugs along on its mainframe franchise and services business. Not exciting, but not a bad business, either.
I think Microsoft will play defense from here on out. Its army of M.B.A.s will milk the monstrous franchise around Windows and Office for all it’s worth and try to cushion a decline in originality and create a soft landing. The future for Microsoft looks lucrative, predictable and boring. No doubt Bill Gates realizes this. That, I suspect, is why he’s checking out.
No word on whether Ballmer hit Johnson with a chair before he booted him. Also no word on whether Johnson created that Vista slogan, “Bringing clarity to your world.” It sure brought clarity to his, didn’t it?
What makes you sure he was fired, and didn’t JUMP at the opportunity to delve into Juniper’s sexy, exciting biz model? I mean, what with their upcoming new line up of EX Series Switches and all?
BTW, I’m loving the comments. Amazing to see that the haters who deem your stuff a complete waste of time are still here, reading obsessively, commenting like 30 secs after each post, etc.
Nobody loves you like a hater…
Dude. You were funnier as Steve…
Use a public character, take on that person’s persona, please . . .
I’m going to be the first to call ‘sussed’ on this. There is no way Dan Lyons is writing this blog. It’s somebody pretending to be Dan Lyons and copying Fake Steve’s style.
You can tell. It’s just a bit TOO much like Fake Steve. All this tard stuff and pointless swearing is so clearly NOT DAN.
I’m glad you came back and I think you are as funny as you’ve always been. Please don’t listen to these morons and complainers saying you should go back to Fake Steve. These are the same kind of people that go to a Gallagher show just for the Smash-o-matic. Let them just sit in their plastic capes now and feel stupid as they are left dry. I think it can be said the public has no idea what it wants, if you were Fake Steve for too long they would complain about you being “one-note” and lacking change. Then you change and they claim they want the old stuff.
I might like this blog even better if you keep up your Apple Store experiences like you did, I can see myself enjoying living vicariously through you. Plus what other journalist is trash talking these powerful figures in such a funny and honest way as you?
Perhaps it’s still satire, Tiny.
But Josh, that’s your headline, the Smash-o-matic. Without that, it would be like going to see Sonny and Cher and not hearing “I’ve got you, Babe.” Yeah, that’s right, I did a Sonny and Cher reference.
Oh wait, that doesn’t mesh with my opinion well though. I agree, as long as he brings the funny, it’s all good, and this’ll just purge some of the ‘tards who don’t appreciate the humor in it. I actually admire it, it’s Dan pretending to be himself, however crazy that sounds.
To me, Fake Steve was a diversion from the boredom in the office. I used to visit sites for tech news, and they were boring. FSJ used to give me a crazy take on tech stories, and some humor stories too. Like Andrea Jung, I could care less who she is in real life (note: please don’t hit me Andrea), but here, or there, I found out things I would have never read before. Sure, the political stuff got a bit boring, but it certainly was topical (And remember kids, on November 4th, a vote for Barry is a vote for America!). As sad as it might be, I relied on FSJ for my tech news, and so far, it seems to be carrying over to the RD blog, which is good, since even though I find it interesting, I can’t stand reading the crap out there.
He’s a great guy and we all wish him well!
You know, Fake TIny Tim has a point, everything is just a little too Fake Steve. I bet that Real Steve is behind this. First Real Dan Lyons leaves–or is forced to leave– Forbes under suspicious circumstances, then “The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs” closes shop, and now we have the Real Dan blog. Come on everybody, take off the blinders! Real Steve is finally getting his payback!
Juniper is one of our competitors. That will certainly make my job a lot easier.
“The future for Microsoft looks lucrative, predictable and boring.” I’ll agree with the lucrative and predictable, but right now I think they are really setting themselves up (same with Sony) to go head to head with Apple; especially in music sales. Rock Band anyone?
Gaming is a huge industry, it’s only one of the areas that MS has successfully grown it’s market. Until the xbox all they had was some lamo PC games like flight sim, now they have Bungie and all of the fanatics that follow it…I think we’ll see a lot more branching out (I just hope the new MS bosses are as good as Billy was at maneuvering new territory).
“Gaming is a huge industry, it’s only one of the areas that MS has successfully grown it’s market….”
…. while burning through $billions and still drowning in red ink.
I think I’ll be shorting Juniper and buying Cisco….