- Barry

And now, look at me. Here I am reading your nonsense “real but fake but actually really fake” Real Dan blog. damn.

And the worst part… I like it.

Sorry, this is just not doing it for me.

It’s kind of like Dana Carvey “as” G.H.W. Bush on SNL vs. Dana Carvey dropping GHWB imitations into his nightclub standup routine.

Fake Steve was brilliant, truly innovative and hilarious, a new form of literature for the Internet age. This isn’t.

We dont *like* real Dan, in all his linux/lotus hating, MS Asskissing ways. At least fake Steve was entertaining.

–* Bill

FSJ was funny because YOU are funny. i’m on board. rock on.

I intellectually understand this but at an emotional level it’s confusing. Let me state clearly: I am a huge fan of your so I really want to continue to read and enjoy writing.

But “realDan” being fake “Dan Lyons” in reality is confusing at least to me. Especially, as another commenter noted, because you have your “real” picture on the header.

I think many reasonable people will be confused and not realize this is a character. I think most of us agree that a big part of the humor comes from your use of characters. I am rooting for you and I hope this blog becomes as great as fsj.

Anyway it’s an interesting vacation, trying to trap feral cats, just as mean and ornery as any alley cat you could find. Some nature luvvers wanna’ re-introduce some native birds to the island, but you hafta’ lose the cats and the rats, first. I say let the cats and rats be, and perhaps they should introduce feral chickens. Tougher birds than these fancy feathered tweets they wanna’ implant, and if anyone gets shipwrecked here, they can live off the wild chickens instead of worrying about breaking the law eating endangered parakeets.
You guessed it, lotta’ blank cold stares, but hey, there wasn’t any A.C. and I needed to cool off. I said I was joking and my fellow eco-warriors warily got back to business. I’m doing this for laughs but they’re dead serious. It’s amazing what useless trivial shit people will focus on, imagining it is The Big Picture, when they could be focusing this serious energy on making affordable solar panels or windmills or vehicles that will not wreck the environment or cause global warming, oh, wait, that’s already been invented, what’s it called, oh, yes, the rickshaw!

Anyway we got dropped off at this godforsaken place. Lotsa’ coconuts, lotta’ fun using the machete … for five minutes. Then it’s just one chore followed by another. But this was my idea, so I’m soldiering on, grumbling, doing my part, listening to the weenies moan about the state of the world and pat themselves on the back, thinking they’re making a difference. We’re about 125 miles north of anything vaguely resembling civilization. But, hey, I’m losing weight. My Fair Lady begged off at last minute, and is staying in Saipan, nursing an alcohol deprived liver. We just heard about the plane crash in Guam. Tough break. Not that we have a beach here for anything to wash up onto, so no gruesome souvenirs (yet). Friggin’ steep cliffs. Same damn weather every day. No typhoons. No monsoons. The damn ocean and wind or breeze is freakin’ loud and repetitive. The cats we catch and cage up are pissed and mewling and hate us. I like to imagine one of them as “Taylor” and I’m “Doctor Zaius” from Planet Of The Apes. I argue, hey, why don’t we just fix the cats so they don’t re-populate the island. Then they die out. Then I bring up the problem of the rats and get shouted down as being a “negative nelly”. Whoa, nice comeback.

I may steal the big-ass canoe, sextant and compass, and escape to another island away from these numbskulls. The skinny bald bearded guy in charge really is annoyed at me ‘cos I’ve bagged all the women on this expedition twice. What annoys him is that I didn’t bag him! Sorry to disappoint. He may act like he’s got a vagina, but I prefer the real thing.

Anyway, welcome back,Dan, keep blogging, and BTW, WordPress sucks, too!

Don’t forget, folks …Vote For Scoble!